10K

Goals are good. I started running again about two months ago. My goal, just to get out and do something. Maybe …. feel like I could run a 5K again without too much thought. This was a big deal for me. The day my Mom died I lost my will to do nearly everything. I have kids, some who really couldn’t understand what happened to Grandma (One who still doesn’t). So getting all broken was never an option. I went through all the motions, but numb to everything. On the first anniversary of her death, I had an honest out loud conversation with her, with myself, and gave myself permission to move on. No more tears, no more fog, no more numbing pain. Time to take back my life because I am alive. No more reason needed right?

This was fine and good, except that I didn’t even realize how much I had let go of. I stopped thinking about my mom every moment, I stopped rethinking her last two months, last week, last day. I didn’t even know to look for other broken stuff.

When we moved I had to accept a night shift position. I had to figure out where to get the kids follow up care, how to navigate a whole world of new terrain… including where to buy clothes and groceries… so much required my attention and time. I didn’t have any more to worry about my own physical body. I ran a few times in the first couple months and when we moved to the second house, we joined a gym. Initially I went a lot, but warmer weather noticed me outdoors and I got out of the routine. I can’t even remember why I stopped running outdoors, probably an injury and figuring out how to do it with my schedule. Probably so many things.

They don’t matter anymore. I have a plan now, I have been doing it for 2 months (and injured myself too) and I’m running a 10K in June. I’m not trying to do it fast, I’m just going to run it and finish- for me.