On Saturday Ava went on a play date with a friend from her summer school camp. Wes always takes Ava’s play dates hard. He really doesn’t understand the skills required for “friendship” and therefore he really doesn’t understand why he doesn’t get invitations to have play dates. What he does understand is that Ava and another kid his age are going to get together and have fun, and that he is not invited. If this wasn’t heartbreaking enough, while Ava was away, I caught him watching videos on his iPad that he and Ava had made while playing sometime before then. He was literally interacting with the Ava on the screen as if she was there in the room with him.

At that moment my heart was literally breaking. I have a real soft spot and sincere empathy for Wes in these moments in particular. I think its because I know that he truly longs to be accepted and included, but does not have the skills and awareness to know how to do this. I also haven’t figured out how to balance the many requests for Ava to have play dates with the lack of requests for Westli. Taylor and Liv made this easier since they were so bonded to each other. Liv usually got the invitations, but wouldn’t go without Taylor. Ava does not have the same relationship with Westli. So much so, that when I told her the story above, about Wes “playing with her” on video, she was like ::shrug:: and went on to tell me a story about her friend’s house.

I’m not sure now which broke my heart more, Wes’ sadness and disappointment around being left out, or Ava’s dismissal and lack of empathy for his sadness.

This is truly one of the hardest parts about parenting children with special needs.